Charlotte’s birthday is Sunday. She died January 8th. She died from the complications of her alcoholic condition. I don’t know how long she had this problem. I only became aware of it five years ago. We haven’t been close since a few years after high school. She pushed me away more than thirty-five years ago.
Charlotte and I were first cousins and grew up in the same small town, going to the same small school and often in the same classes and after-school activities. I am older by about five months and I was always the leader, having the stronger personality. She was always happy to go along with whatever I wanted to do and I felt responsible for her in our elementary school days. In junior high, our relationship changed and she became more like the sister I would never have. We double-dated in high school and even worked for the same big corporation in Houston when we graduated. I assumed it would always be that way. To my dismay, it wasn’t.
When our children were small, Charlotte moved to Oklahoma with her husband, returning to his home town. I was astounded that she would move so far away from our childhood hometown, but I assumed it would only be a minor difficulty in our life-long friendship. Instead, it was the end of our relationship.
I wrote Charlotte and called often in the first few years after she moved. She was cordial when I made the effort but never reached out to me in return. I only saw her at occasional family gatherings, but she didn’t even call me when she was in town between those events. It took me a long time to get the message and, after I finally did, I spent a number of years feeling hurt and resentful. Eventually, I let go of the hurt and resentment and contacted her when I felt the need and expected nothing of her in return. I didn’t dwell on the issue.
When I learned of her alcoholism, I mourned. I wondered if I could have been a better friend, if I’d given up too easily and too soon. I don’t know what I might have done differently. Perhaps, I place too much importance on myself in her life.
I realize that I have shuffled Charlotte’s loss aside and I have avoided dealing with it. I know I will have to do so some day, but I’m not ready now. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to deal with it. For now, this is all I know to do:
Happy Birthday, Charlotte… RIP
Charlotte and I were first cousins and grew up in the same small town, going to the same small school and often in the same classes and after-school activities. I am older by about five months and I was always the leader, having the stronger personality. She was always happy to go along with whatever I wanted to do and I felt responsible for her in our elementary school days. In junior high, our relationship changed and she became more like the sister I would never have. We double-dated in high school and even worked for the same big corporation in Houston when we graduated. I assumed it would always be that way. To my dismay, it wasn’t.
When our children were small, Charlotte moved to Oklahoma with her husband, returning to his home town. I was astounded that she would move so far away from our childhood hometown, but I assumed it would only be a minor difficulty in our life-long friendship. Instead, it was the end of our relationship.
I wrote Charlotte and called often in the first few years after she moved. She was cordial when I made the effort but never reached out to me in return. I only saw her at occasional family gatherings, but she didn’t even call me when she was in town between those events. It took me a long time to get the message and, after I finally did, I spent a number of years feeling hurt and resentful. Eventually, I let go of the hurt and resentment and contacted her when I felt the need and expected nothing of her in return. I didn’t dwell on the issue.
When I learned of her alcoholism, I mourned. I wondered if I could have been a better friend, if I’d given up too easily and too soon. I don’t know what I might have done differently. Perhaps, I place too much importance on myself in her life.
I realize that I have shuffled Charlotte’s loss aside and I have avoided dealing with it. I know I will have to do so some day, but I’m not ready now. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to deal with it. For now, this is all I know to do:
Happy Birthday, Charlotte… RIP
1 comment:
It is not easy to put into words, ones feeling for someone which has left long before their passing.
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